The Bear Market

Sadly, no title can do justice to the story that follows…. by bearmarket
July 31, 2008, 10:08 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

We’ve been waiting for a story like this here at the Bear Market for the better part of a year now. And finally, it has happened: Continue reading


Give a bear a fish and feed him for a day; Teach a bear to fish and doom us all to extinction by bearmarket
July 9, 2008, 11:07 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

(Above: A panda clings for dear life to a tree; Not pictured: The rioting townsfolk below who are tired of having their children devoured.)

Before we get into the horrifying story that “bears” this picture, how about a roundup of bears in the news? You say no? Well then clearly you are a bear. Continue reading

Bear-ack Obama? by bearmarket
June 25, 2008, 10:29 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Explain to me how the terrorists didn\'t just win?

You’re telling me my grandfather faked his own death at Iwo Jima to give us this?

Continue reading

Knut Kills Animals FOR FUN by Ian Milligan
April 16, 2008, 9:43 am
Filed under: bears, knut, polar bears, terror

Remember the adorable little polar bear from before, that everybody crooned over. Remember our warnings, that perhaps this wasn’t the best thing to do with a baby serial killer that’ll grow up and murder innocent creatures/peoples/animals?

Well, don’t say that we didn’t tell you so… from the BBC:

Germany’s celebrity polar bear Knut has triggered a new controversy by fishing out 10 live carp from his moat and killing them in front of visitors.

Critics say Berlin Zoo should not have put live fish inside Knut’s enclosure. But German media report that the carp were put there to eat up algae.

There is speculation that hand-reared Knut killed the carp just for fun.

Holy fuck. He killed the carp just for fun? Jesus christ. Thank god it’s the German government paying for it, nor our government.

If you ever needed a reminder why this blog is probably the most important one out there on the web, this it it.

“One small step for man…” by bearmarket
March 24, 2008, 5:07 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

“One giant pimp slap for bearkind.”

We have co-opted and destroyed a great quote from history to point out a recent news story about bears. (The Toronto Sun does this sort of thing all the time. If a pile of naked supermodels were found passed out in the middle of Yonge Street the headline would be something along the lines of “It was the breast of times…”)

Above: Inspiration for a metaphor in Rage Against the Machine lyrics.
Continue reading

Our Last Chance! by Ian Milligan
February 14, 2008, 9:39 am
Filed under: bears, polar bears, Politics, terror

You know those movies where the good guy has a chance to end it all, to stop the villain by finishing him off when he’s helpless, but he decides that it wouldn’t be fair or something.. Then the good guy stands up, begins to walk away from the bad guy.. and turns to face a gun?

Yeah, imagine all that, except the bad guy is a bear. Who is teething. It’s like baby Germany back in the 1930s.. oh, so cute.. oh, it’s getting it’s first tank. Aww, how cute.

BAM, THERE GOES POLAND! Way to hesitate Chamberlain.

Look here to see an adorable Polar Bear get his first tooth. Note the omnious voice overs in German.

Expecting Better from Ottawa by bearmarket
February 11, 2008, 11:51 am
Filed under: bears, polar bears, Politics

I had the pleasure to be in the nation’s capital this past weekend, only to see yet another example of federal complicity in the bear agenda. Amidst some delightful subsidized ice sculptures and laughing children, look what the Department of Indian and Northern Affairs ‘proudly’ has near its exhibit:


Needless to say, we are not amused. If I’ve ever seen an open-and-shut case of both misuse of taxpayers dollars and the sellout of our middle-class to the bear agenda, this is it. FOR SHAME!

And, if you look closely, you can see that these things *spit* are far from humane and cuddly. Oh, let’s see.. .oh, yes, it’s glamorizing the murder of a baby seal. Oh wait, aren’t these the seals that we’re supposed to cry and wail about being clubbed up north? Oh… but it’s okay when Polar Bears do it. Oh, wouldn’t want to hurt their poor little feelings, eh. Waa waa.

This makes me sick, and it should make you sick too. Too bad the Department of Indian and Northern Affairs doesn’t distribute vomit bags.