The Bear Market

Syrian Brown Bears = Terror? by Ian Milligan
January 18, 2008, 6:07 pm
Filed under: bears, terror | Tags: , , , , , , , ,


It might have flown under your radar, but an egregious breach of national security occured last year (Read a summary here). That typical liberal rag, the Globe and Mail, downplayed the severity by linking the escape of ‘Willy’ the Syrian bear to the popular movie about a whale (of the killer variety):

Free Willy, they said, and theatre audiences agreed – when Willy was a whale and Hollywood could ensure a happy ending.This time, Willy was a bear – a real, live Syrian brown bear – and his brief brush with freedom was far from comforting to owners of the Southern Ontario zoo he escaped from, or to the good people of surrounding Stevensville, who put their lives on hold as an exhaustive search unfolded yesterday.
Ha ha ha. We’ll be laughing all the way to the bank. The BLOOD bank. Read to find out the Syrian Brown Bear’s nefarious little secret, and how they’re behind a little place called… IRAQ.
I think we can turn to our good old friend, geography and history, to show us what happens when you have Syrian Brown Bears roaming the countryside.Where do these bears usually come from? Not just Syria, it appears (according to this Wikipedia entry). Let’s see…
1. IRAQ – Enough said, really.
2. AFGHANISTAN – Osama’s not the only one hiding in caves.
3. IRAN – Iran continues to deny this, despite satellite imagery to the contrary.
(Also in their Wikipedia entry, we learn that they were likely the same bears that slaughtered 42 youths who insulted Elisha. The passage is from II Kings, Chapter 2, Verse 23-24:
23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. “Go on up, you baldhead!” they said. “Go on up, you baldhead!” 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. 25 And he went on to Mount Carmel and from there returned to Samaria.
Hmm…a minor insult results in a massive overreaction whereby children are murdered. Where do we see these type of actions today? These kids may as well have been on a bus in Baghdad.)
Indeed, we’re looking at an Axis of Bear Terror (Bearor?). Yet they’re going to send our brave firemen after this? Next time a bear gets loose in a little town like Stevensville, I say we turn to the true heroes of the world: The United States Army. We’ve got an insurgency of bears out there in the countryside, burrowing, adopting cute little names, while we twiddle our thumbs and visit them in zoos. We’ve got to move beyond that, accept a little collateral damage, and fight this bear insurgency now.
To conclude, let’s look at the facts. Syrian Brown Bears are behind insurgencies and the Axis of Evil here in the world. I don’t think we can argue against that. Join with me in writing to Prime Minister Stephen Harper that we won’t tolerate this secret bear agenda, and we’re on to it.

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