The Bear Market

Sadly, no title can do justice to the story that follows….
July 31, 2008, 10:08 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

We’ve been waiting for a story like this here at the Bear Market for the better part of a year now. And finally, it has happened: Continue reading


Give a bear a fish and feed him for a day; Teach a bear to fish and doom us all to extinction
July 9, 2008, 11:07 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

(Above: A panda clings for dear life to a tree; Not pictured: The rioting townsfolk below who are tired of having their children devoured.)

Before we get into the horrifying story that “bears” this picture, how about a roundup of bears in the news? You say no? Well then clearly you are a bear. Continue reading

Bear-ack Obama?
June 25, 2008, 10:29 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Explain to me how the terrorists didn\'t just win?

You’re telling me my grandfather faked his own death at Iwo Jima to give us this?

Continue reading

“One small step for man…”
March 24, 2008, 5:07 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

“One giant pimp slap for bearkind.”

We have co-opted and destroyed a great quote from history to point out a recent news story about bears. (The Toronto Sun does this sort of thing all the time. If a pile of naked supermodels were found passed out in the middle of Yonge Street the headline would be something along the lines of “It was the breast of times…”)

Above: Inspiration for a metaphor in Rage Against the Machine lyrics.
Continue reading

Expecting Better from Ottawa
February 11, 2008, 11:51 am
Filed under: bears, polar bears, Politics

I had the pleasure to be in the nation’s capital this past weekend, only to see yet another example of federal complicity in the bear agenda. Amidst some delightful subsidized ice sculptures and laughing children, look what the Department of Indian and Northern Affairs ‘proudly’ has near its exhibit:


Needless to say, we are not amused. If I’ve ever seen an open-and-shut case of both misuse of taxpayers dollars and the sellout of our middle-class to the bear agenda, this is it. FOR SHAME!

And, if you look closely, you can see that these things *spit* are far from humane and cuddly. Oh, let’s see.. .oh, yes, it’s glamorizing the murder of a baby seal. Oh wait, aren’t these the seals that we’re supposed to cry and wail about being clubbed up north? Oh… but it’s okay when Polar Bears do it. Oh, wouldn’t want to hurt their poor little feelings, eh. Waa waa.

This makes me sick, and it should make you sick too. Too bad the Department of Indian and Northern Affairs doesn’t distribute vomit bags.

Bear Roundup: January 25


(Above: Remember in The Omen how nobody could ever kill Damien, the Anti-Christ, because he was an innocent, adorable child? Yeah, same thing.)

It’s been a suspiciously quiet few days in bear news…perhaps too quiet. Perhaps many bears are off in the woods, having some sort of “picnic.” Such an event could be held beneath the trees where nobody sees, so it “bears” asking: is today the day the bears have their piiiiiic-nic?

Regardless, we’ve got a few bombshells for you today. Unfortunately none of them actually killed a bear, as these are just metaphorical bombshells.

Continue reading

9/11: The Bear Facts
January 23, 2008, 5:37 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , ,

We all remember the humbling events of September 11th, 2001. Before the dust had even settled at Ground Zero, conspiracy theorists were already crying out that something about the events of that day didn’t sit right with them. Somehow, the “official version” we were led to believe, was a lie. We here at the Bear Market believe that the 9/11 Truth Movement is missing the point of the events of that day, that they are looking in the wrong place for the government cover up.

Just moments ago, we received an email from a source that wishes to remain anonymous. Attached was a computer-enhanced version of the photo below, giving us a view of the approaching plane in a level of detail that was previously unavailable.


Continue reading