The Bear Market


Bear Roundup: January 25 by bearmarket

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(Above: Remember in The Omen how nobody could ever kill Damien, the Anti-Christ, because he was an innocent, adorable child? Yeah, same thing.)

It’s been a suspiciously quiet few days in bear news…perhaps too quiet. Perhaps many bears are off in the woods, having some sort of “picnic.” Such an event could be held beneath the trees where nobody sees, so it “bears” asking: is today the day the bears have their piiiiiic-nic?

Regardless, we’ve got a few bombshells for you today. Unfortunately none of them actually killed a bear, as these are just metaphorical bombshells.

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