The Bear Market


Knut Kills Animals FOR FUN by Ian Milligan
April 16, 2008, 9:43 am
Filed under: bears, knut, polar bears, terror

Remember the adorable little polar bear from before, that everybody crooned over. Remember our warnings, that perhaps this wasn’t the best thing to do with a baby serial killer that’ll grow up and murder innocent creatures/peoples/animals?

Well, don’t say that we didn’t tell you so… from the BBC:

Germany’s celebrity polar bear Knut has triggered a new controversy by fishing out 10 live carp from his moat and killing them in front of visitors.

Critics say Berlin Zoo should not have put live fish inside Knut’s enclosure. But German media report that the carp were put there to eat up algae.

There is speculation that hand-reared Knut killed the carp just for fun.

Holy fuck. He killed the carp just for fun? Jesus christ. Thank god it’s the German government paying for it, nor our government.

If you ever needed a reminder why this blog is probably the most important one out there on the web, this it it.



Our Last Chance! by Ian Milligan
February 14, 2008, 9:39 am
Filed under: bears, polar bears, Politics, terror

You know those movies where the good guy has a chance to end it all, to stop the villain by finishing him off when he’s helpless, but he decides that it wouldn’t be fair or something.. Then the good guy stands up, begins to walk away from the bad guy.. and turns to face a gun?

Yeah, imagine all that, except the bad guy is a bear. Who is teething. It’s like baby Germany back in the 1930s.. oh, so cute.. oh, it’s getting it’s first tank. Aww, how cute.

BAM, THERE GOES POLAND! Way to hesitate Chamberlain.

Look here to see an adorable Polar Bear get his first tooth. Note the omnious voice overs in German.



Expecting Better from Ottawa by bearmarket
February 11, 2008, 11:51 am
Filed under: bears, polar bears, Politics

I had the pleasure to be in the nation’s capital this past weekend, only to see yet another example of federal complicity in the bear agenda. Amidst some delightful subsidized ice sculptures and laughing children, look what the Department of Indian and Northern Affairs ‘proudly’ has near its exhibit:

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Needless to say, we are not amused. If I’ve ever seen an open-and-shut case of both misuse of taxpayers dollars and the sellout of our middle-class to the bear agenda, this is it. FOR SHAME!

And, if you look closely, you can see that these things *spit* are far from humane and cuddly. Oh, let’s see.. .oh, yes, it’s glamorizing the murder of a baby seal. Oh wait, aren’t these the seals that we’re supposed to cry and wail about being clubbed up north? Oh… but it’s okay when Polar Bears do it. Oh, wouldn’t want to hurt their poor little feelings, eh. Waa waa.

This makes me sick, and it should make you sick too. Too bad the Department of Indian and Northern Affairs doesn’t distribute vomit bags.



Bear Roundup: January 25 by bearmarket

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(Above: Remember in The Omen how nobody could ever kill Damien, the Anti-Christ, because he was an innocent, adorable child? Yeah, same thing.)

It’s been a suspiciously quiet few days in bear news…perhaps too quiet. Perhaps many bears are off in the woods, having some sort of “picnic.” Such an event could be held beneath the trees where nobody sees, so it “bears” asking: is today the day the bears have their piiiiiic-nic?

Regardless, we’ve got a few bombshells for you today. Unfortunately none of them actually killed a bear, as these are just metaphorical bombshells.

Continue reading



Bear Roundup: January 21 by bearmarket
January 22, 2008, 4:31 pm
Filed under: polar bears, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

1. We get it, the market is in trouble. Spare us puns like this.

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(Above: The nightmarish future that awaits us if you don’t read this blog!)

More after the break. Continue reading



Bear Roundup: January 18 by bearmarket

Knut

(Pictured: Knut the Polar Bear. Not Pictured: The pile of carcasses he leaves in his wake.)

Where did bears show up in the media today? Let’s have a look, though be warned it’s mostly Polar Bear news today. Keep children away from the screen while you read this:

Continue reading